Additional Readings
Alternative Prayers

 

Additional Readings

May every blessing and grace be yours
May your love grow stronger and deeper with each passing year.
May joy and delight fill your home
May daily problems not vex you unduly
nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate you

May you have true friends to stay by you in joy and sorrow
And if children bless you, may they return your love
many times over.
With wise and generous hearts
May you help all to come to you in need of comfort
and may you reach a ripe age together
content for having lived a life of goodness and worth.

____________________________________________

We have been called together as witnesses
to the happiness which this couple
has found together
and to the pledge which they will now make
each to the other
for the mutual service
of their common life.

We rejoice with them,
that out of all the world
they have found each other.
And that they will henceforth find the deeper
meaning and richness of human life
in sharing it with each other.

Taught by our own joys,
By our own sorrows,
Even by our own failures,
We remind them
That in marriage
As in all life,
Whosoever insists upon saving his lesser goods
And his little self
Shall miss what is greater,

But whosoever forgets himself
In devotion to his beloved
And in consecration to their common enterprise,
Is surest to find a full and happy life.

- anonymous

"There is nothing nobler and more admirable
Than when two people who see eye to eye
Keep house as man and wife,
Confounding their enemies
And Delighting their friends"

- Homer

********

Song of the Open Road

Listen, I will be honest with you ...
I do not offer the old smooth prizes
But offer rough new prizes
These are the days that must happen to you:

You shall not heap up what is called riches,
You shall scatter with lavish hand
all that you earn or achieve.
However sweet the laid up stores,
However convenient the dwelling,
you shall not remain there.
However sheltered the port,
However calm the waters,
you shall not anchor there.
However welcome the hospitality that welcomes you,
you are permitted to receive it but a little while.
Afoot and lighthearted, take to the open road
Healthy, free, the world before you
The long brown path before you,
Leading wherever you choose.

Say only to one another:

Camerado, I give you my hand!
I give you my love more precious than money;
I give you myself before preaching and law:
Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?"

- Walt Whitman

*******

The Sound of Silence

Here in the space between us and the world
lies human meaning

Into the vast uncertainty we call.
The echoes make our music,
sharp equations which can hold the stars,
and marvelous mythologies we trust.

This may be all we need
to lift our love against indifference and pain.

Here in the space between us and each other
lies all the future
of the fragment of the universe
which is our own.

- Raymond Baughan

*******


from The Book and the Brotherhood, Iris Murdoch

I hereby give myself.
I love you.
You are the only being whom I can love absolutely with my complete self, with all my flesh and mind and heart. You are my mate, my perfect partner, and I am yours. You must feel this now, as I do … It was a marvel that we ever met. It is some kind of divine luck that we are together now. We must never, never part again. We are, here in this, necessary beings, like gods. As we look at each other we verify, we know, the perfection of our love, we recognize each other. Here is my life, here if need be, is my death.

*******

Bertrand Russell from Marriage and Morals

It is therefore possible for a civilised man and woman to be happy in marriage, although if this is to be the case a number of conditions must be fulfilled. There must be a feeling of complete equality on both sides; there must be no interference with mutual freedom; there must be the most complete physical intimacy; and there must be a certain similarity in regard to standards of values. Given all these conditions, I believe marriage to be the best and most important relation that can exist between two human beings.

If it has not often been realised hitherto, that is chiefly because husbands and wives have regarded themselves as each other's policemen. If marriage is to achieve its possibilities, husband and wife must learn to understand that, whatever the law may say, in their private lives they must be free.

**********

Anne Morrow Linbergh from A Gift from the Sea

A good relationship has a pattern like a dance, and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay, and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back - it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation; it is also the joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.

**********

What more sweet than to live with one with whom you are united in body and mind, who talks with you in secret affection, to whom you have committed all your faith and your fortune? What in all nature is lovelier? You are bound to friends in affection. How much more to a husband or wife in the highest love, with union of the body, the bond of mutual vows and the sharing of your goods! … Nothing is more safe, tranquil, pleasant and lovable than marriage.

Adapted from Erasmus On Marriage

**********

When two individuals meet, so do two private worlds. None of our private worlds is big enough for us to live a wholesome life in. We need the wider world of joy and wonder, of purpose and venture, of toil and tears. What are we, any of us, but strangers and sojourners, wandering through the nighttime until we draw together and find the meaning of our lives in one another, dissolving our fears in each other's courage, making music together and lighting torches to guide us through the dark?

- A. Powell Davies

**********

MARRIAGE

Live long and laugh loud,
Sent on singing, singing,
Smashed to the heart
Under the ribs
With a terrible love.

Joy always,
Joy everywhere --
Let joy kill you!
Keep away from the little deaths.

- Carl Sandburg

************

T.S Eliot To My Wife 1959

To whom I owe the leaping delight
That quickens my senses in our waking time
And the rhythm that governs the repose of sleeping time,
The breathing in unison

Of lives whose bodies smell of each other
Who think the same thoughts without need of speech
And babble the same speech without the need of meaning

No peevish winter wind shall chill
No sullen tropic sun shall wither
The roses in the rose-garden which is ours and ours only.

But this dedication is for others to read:
These are private words addressed to you in public.

**********

SONNET XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
therefore, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
Hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know another way of loving.

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest in my hand:
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Pablo Neruda

********

Letters to a Young Poet

For one human being to love another human being
that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been
entrusted to us, the ultimate, the final test and proof,
The work for which all other work is but preparation…

Love is a high inducement for the individual to ripen ..
to become world in himself for the sake of another person
….human love… consists in this: that two solitudes
protect and border and greet each other.

…even between the closest human beings infinite distances
continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up,
if they succeed in loving the distance between them
which makes it possible for each to see the other
against a wide sky!

- Rainer Maria Rilke

********

It is for the union of you and me
That there is light in the sky.
It is for the union of you and me
That the earth is decked in dusky green.
It is for the union of you and me
That night sits motionless with the world in her arms;
Dawn appears opening the eastern door
With sweet murmurs in her voice.

The boat of hope sails along the currents of
Eternity that union,
Flowers of the ages are being gathered together
For its welcoming ritual.

It is for the union of you and me
that this heart of mine, in the garb of a bride,
has proceeded from birth to birth
upon the surface of this ever-turning world
to choose the beloved.

-- Rabindranath Tagore (translated by Indu Dutt)

**********

You are a part of me. I do not know
By what slow chemistry you first became
A vital fibre of my being. Go
Beyond the rim of time or space, the same
Inflections of your voice will sing their way
Into the depths of my mind still. Your hair
Will gleam as bright, the artless play
Of word and glance, gesture and the fair
Young fingers waving, have too deeply etched
The pattern of your soul on mine. Forget
Me quickly as a laughing picture sketched
On water, I shall never know regret
Knowing no magic ever can set free
That part of you that is part of me.

- Frank Yerby

**********

Scaffolding - Seamus Henry

Masons, when they start upon a building,
Are careful to test out the scaffolding;

Make sure that planks won't slip at busy points,
Secure all ladders, tighten bolted joints,

And yet all this comes down when the job's done,
Showing off walls of sure and solid stone.

So if, my dear, there sometimes seem to be
Old bridges breaking between you and me

Never fear. We may let the scaffolds fall
Confident that we have built our wall.

**********

Sir Philip Sidney Love's Tranquillity

My true love hath my heart, and I have his'
By just exchange one for the other given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.

His heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him his thought and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his, because in me it bides:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.

**********

From a Native American marriage ceremony
(Sometimes known as the Apache Blessing)

'May the sun bring you new energies by day;
May the moon softly restore you by night.
May the rain wash away any worries you may have
And the breeze blow new strength into your being.
And the, all the days of your life,
May you walk gently through the world
And know its beauty'.

Now you will feel not the rain, for each will shelter the other.
Now you will feel not cold, for each will warm the other.
Now you will feel not solitude, for each will company other.
Now you are two persons, but both will lead one life.
Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life,
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

*********

NAVAJO BLESSING

Rising sun ! when you shall shine
Make this house happy

Beautify it with your beams
Make this house happy,

God of Dawn! Your white blessings spread:
Make this house happy,

Guard the doorway from all evil;
Make this house happy,

White corn! Abide herein;
Make this house happy,

Heavy Rain! Your virtues send,
Make this house happy,

Corn Pollen! Bestow Content,
Make this house happy,

May peace around this family dwell;
Make this house happy.

* * * * * * *

BLESSING

May every blessing and grace be yours
May your love grow stronger and deeper with each passing year.
May joy and delight fill your home
May daily problems not vex you unduly
nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate you

May you have true friends to stay by you in joy and sorrow
And if children bless you, may they return your love
many times over.
With wise and generous hearts
May you help all to come to you in need of comfort
and may you reach a ripe age together
content for having lived a life of goodness and worth.

-Gertrude Nelson

From "The Irrational Season", by Madeleine L'Engle

"Ultimately there comes a time when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created. To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling."


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Alternative Prayers

Christian Prayers and Readings

Sample Wedding Vows

#1

In the name of Jesus, I ___ take you, ___, to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow.

#2

I, ___, take you ___, to be my wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part: according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge you my love and faithfulness.

#3

I love you ___ as I love no other. All that I am I share with you. I take you to be my (husband/wife) through health and sickness, through plenty and want, through joy and sorrow, now and forever.

#4

I take you ___, to be my (husband/wife), loving you now and as you grow and develop into all that God intends. I will love you when we are together and when we are apart; when our lives are at peace and when they are in turmoil; when I am proud of you and when I am disappointed in you; in times of rest and in times of work. I will honor your goals and dreams and help you to fulfill them. From the depth of my being, I will seek to be open and honest with you. I say these things believing that God is in the midst of them all.

Christian Opening Prayers

 #1

Our Father, love has been Your richest and greatest gift to the world. Love between a man and woman which matures into marriage is one of Your most beautiful types of loves. Today we celebrate that love. May your blessing be on this wedding service. Protect, guide, and bless ___ and ___ in their marriage. Surround them and us with Your love now and always. Amen.

#2

Heavenly Father, ___ and ___ are now about to vow their unending loyalty to each other. We ask you to accept the shared treasure of their life together, which they now create and offer to You. Grant them everything they need, that they may increase in their knowledge of You throughout their life together. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

#3

God, for the joy of this occasion we thank you. For the significance of this wedding day we thank you. For this important moment in an ever growing relationship we thank you. For your presence here and now and for your presence at all times, we thank you. In Christ's holy name. Amen.

Christian Closing Prayers

 #1

The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up the light of his continence upon you, and give you peace.

#2

May the love of God be above you to overshadow you, beneath you to uphold you, before you to guide you, behind you to protect you, close beside you and within you to make you able for all things, and to reward your faithfulness with the joy and peace which the world cannot give -- neither can it take away. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord, to whom be glory now and evermore. Amen.

#3

Join with me as we ask God's blessing on this new couple. Eternal Father, redeemer, we now turn to you, and as the first act of this couple in their newly formed union, we ask you to protect their home. May they always turn to you for guidance, for strength, for provision and direction. May they glorify you in the choices they make, in the ministries they involve themselves in, and in all that they do. Use them to draw others to yourself, and let them stand as a testimony to the world of your faithfulness. We ask this in Jesus name, Amen.

 

Bible Passage

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love

 

Jewish Wedding Prayer

Today we are thankful for the joy and gladness in our lives,

For mirth and exultation, for pleasure and delight,

For love and friendship, peace and peoplehood.

May we all witness the day when the sounds throughout the world

Will be these sounds of happiness:

the voices of lovers, the sounds of feasting and singing

and the song of peace.

 
Cherokee Wedding Prayer

Father Sky please protect the ones we love.
We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.
We honor Mother Earth - and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons
We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts
We honour wind - and ask we sail though life safe and calm as in our father's arms
We honour water - to clean and soothe our relationship - that it may never thirst for love
With all the forces of the universe you created, we pray for harmony and true happiness as we forever grow young together.

 

 

Apache Wedding Blessing

May the sun bring you new energies by day;
May the moon softly restore you by night.
May the rain wash away any worries you may have
And the breeze blow new strength into your being.
And the, all the days of your life,
May you walk gently through the world
And know its beauty'.

Now you will feel not the rain, for each will shelter the other.
Now you will feel not cold, for each will warm the other.
Now you will feel not solitude, for each will company other.
Now you are two persons, but both will lead one life.
Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life,
And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

 

 

NAVAJO BLESSING

Rising sun ! when you shall shine
Make this house happy

Beautify it with your beams
Make this house happy,

God of Dawn! Your white blessings spread:
Make this house happy,

Guard the doorway from all evil;
Make this house happy,

White corn! Abide herein;
Make this house happy,

Heavy Rain! Your virtues send,
Make this house happy,

Corn Pollen! Bestow Content,
Make this house happy,

May peace around this family dwell;
Make this house happy.

 

 

BLESSING

May every blessing and grace be yours
May your love grow stronger and deeper with each passing year.
May joy and delight fill your home
May daily problems not vex you unduly
nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate you

May you have true friends to stay by you in joy and sorrow
And if children bless you, may they return your love
many times over.
With wise and generous hearts
May you help all to come to you in need of comfort
and may you reach a ripe age together
content for having lived a life of goodness and worth.

-Gertrude Nelson

 

 

Sanskrit prayer

Look to this day for it is life
the very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and truths of existence,
the joy of growth,
the splendour of action,
the glory of power.

For yesterday is but a memory.
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today well lived makes every yesterday
a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow
a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore,to this day.

 

 

A Celtic Benediction

The peace of the running water to you,
The peace of the flowing air to you,
The peace of the quiet earth to you,
The peace of the shining star to you,
And the love and the care of all of us to you.

Celtic Traditional Vow 1

I honour your gods
I drink at your well
I bring an undefended heart to our meeting place
I have no cherished outcome
I will not negotiate by withholding
I am not subject to disappointment.

Celtic Traditional Vow 2

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.
You cannot command me for I am a free person.
But I shall serve you in those ways you require
And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.
I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night.
and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.
I pledge to you the first bite from my meat.
And the first drink from my cup.
I pledge to you my living, and my dying, equally in your care.
And tell no strangers our grievances.
This is my wedding vow to you
This is a marriage of equals.

 

Traditions from Ireland

Wedding Vow

Oh woman (man ) loved by me,
mayst thou give me they heart,
they soul
and body. Amen

**********

My love is no short year's sentence.
It is grief lodged under the skin,
Strength pushed beyond its bounds;
The four quarters of the world,
The highest point of heaven.
It is
A heart breaking or
Battle with a ghost,
Outrunning the sky or
Courting an echo.
So is my love, my passion & my devotion
To him (her) to whom I give them.

Blessing for a bride to her groom and vice versa:

You are the star of each night,
You are the brightness of every morning,
You are the story of each guest,
You are the report of every land.
No evil shall befall you, on hill nor bank,
In field or valley, on mountain or in glen.
Neither above, nor below, neither in sea,
Nor on shore,
In skies above, nor in the depths.
You are the kernel of my heart,
You are the face of my sun,
You are the harp of my music,
You are the crown of my company.

**********